I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Found your dick twin last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
