I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
