Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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