So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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