Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
