if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize