Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
