No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
