I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
