When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
