I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
