he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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