Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
