I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
