I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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