Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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