guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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