We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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