he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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