one might say we're banned from that church
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize