mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize