Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
