Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
