He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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