I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
