I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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