You just made me feel so damn special
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Randomize
