Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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