make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
