Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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