Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
