OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
