if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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