FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
