i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
