i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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