i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
