Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
