Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
