so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
