i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
