oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
