Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
