mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
