Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
