So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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