i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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