My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
