i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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