someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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