Your tits are I can't wait for
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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