yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
