I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
