I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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