I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
try to milk me bitch
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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