Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
