Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
