I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
