i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
