remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he thought i was a dude.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
