Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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