New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
