piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
