we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
