i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
