He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
