tell your sister to shave her snatch
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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