If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
