Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am one with the molecules
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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