Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
