i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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