wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
