So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
