Screwed.edu
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
two words: eviction party
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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