this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize