she woke up with a sticky ear
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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