As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
