Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i drank out of a bidet.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
