So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
