I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
