That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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