So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
