I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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