i just wanna soil my oats bro
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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