i would punch a child for taco bell
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
