I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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