I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
