just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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