I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
