Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
