she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
