Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
