I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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